


'Til Your Crew's Kidnapping Do Us Close Again

by The_Problematic_Blender



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Denial of Feelings, Fake AH Crew, FakeHaus, Fetishization of Trans Character(s), Kidnapping, M/M, Post-Break Up, Post-Divorce, Trans Male Character, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-25 22:36:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6212887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Problematic_Blender/pseuds/The_Problematic_Blender
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam would never ask for Geoff's help after what happened between them, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.</p><p>And a smartass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'Til Your Crew's Kidnapping Do Us Close Again

**Author's Note:**

> Take my self insert/oc and inject it directly into your arm.

Geoff was surprised he received a call from Adam, much less five calls at three am. They weren't great friends after things that happened in their past, in fact a lot of times someone had a gun to someone's head or a knife to someone's throat. “What, Kovic?” Geoff answered, not even bothering to hide the annoyance in his voice.

"Geoff, I need your help." Adam started, many things raising many red flags. One example was Adam actually asking for help. Geoff also noticed how Adam sounded out of breath, maybe even panicked.

"What's going on?" Geoff asked, fully awake now.

"They're gone. They're all gone. I can't get ahold of them."

"Who's gone?" Geoff asked, already fearing the answer.

"My boys, James, Bruce, Lawrence, Joel, Matt, Spoole, they're all gone." Adam clarifies. "I can't fucking find them, they aren't answering their phones, and no cars were gone and I can't-"

"Okay, calm down." Geoff ordered. "How long have they have been gone?"

"About a day." Adam stammered.

"Have you checked any places they hang out?"

"Do you think I would be calling if I didn't?"

"Calm down, where are you?"

"Downtown, why?"

"Come to the penthouse, we'll sort this out."

"Alright, see you soon."

"Bye." Geoff hung up, and got out of bed. If he was going to help, he was going to need help.

 

"Why didn't you get Matt up?" Trevor asked, getting a cup of ice water. "He's an informant too."

"Because I specifically wanted to pull you from your gay cuddles with Jeremy. Now help me and Kovic." Geoff yelled from the couch, sitting next to Adam. Adam was bouncing his leg nervously. Trevor sighed and came over, holding his cup of water.

"Kidnapping is a common thing, I don't know why you think I can do anything about it." Trevor said.

"You know things!"

"I tortured before this crew, Matt knows more things." Trevor argued.

"Just help us." Geoff replied. Trevor sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Okay, uh, the only one I can think that would know anything about this is someone named Criken."

"Criken?" Adam asks.

"Imagine someone with Michael's anger and Joel's flamboyant personality." Trevor says. "He's stubborn, but he is a good informant. If someone has information, it will be him.”

“Wait, you tortured before coming here?” Geoff asks.

“Yeah, and I got stuck as an informant.”

“How did I not know this?”

“I don't know, considering I was good at it.”

“You don't look like someone who tortured.” Adam comments.

“Gotta play to your strengths.” Trevor shrugged. “While Ryan made a name for himself, he has an image to live up to. I don't, I look innocent, unassuming. Everyone knows Ryan is dangerous. I don't look dangerous, which makes me even more so.” Trevor takes his leave, retreating back to Jeremy's bedroom “You should ask Jeremy for some stories sometime.”

“Wait, where do we find him!” Geoff called after him.

“He moves around, how am I supposed to know?” Trevor yells back, and Geoff let's out an aggravated sigh.

“I may know someone who knows.” Adam says, pulling out his phone. “Someone who owes me a favor.”

“How convenient.” Geoff sarcastically muses. Adam glares at him before continuing his texting. It's a minute of awkward silence before Adam’s phone buzzes with a response.

“Hope Park?” Adam asks out loud.

“The informant we are looking for is hanging out at a fucking playground at four am. Swell.” Geoff mumbles.

“We can complain about it later, if this Criken person knows where my crew is, I'm getting that info.” Adam says, and Geoff sighs.

“Let's go then.”

 

Hope Park was one of the nicest and well kept parks in the city. Green as fuck grass trimmed weekly, has a basketball court and a soccer field with working nets, and a seemingly freshly painted playground. It was closer to the suburban neighborhood than the actual city, for obvious reasons, so Geoff didn't pass by it often. He only knew of the place from a drug deal, amazingly enough. It was dark, but the moon was still high enough to light most of the place, thank god for the cloudless night. Adam and Geoff approached the park warily, unknown of what to actually expect.

“Do you see him?” Geoff asked Adam.

“Maybe on the swing set?” Adam replied cautiously, pointing towards a silhouette on top of the swing set.

“Lovely.” Geoff commented, not knowing why he was surprised. The two approached the swing set with caution, firearms tucked away in case for anything to go wrong.

“Mr. Ramsey and Mr. Kovic, the sweetest divorce story in Los Santos.” Said no doubtedly Criken, who was swinging his legs from on top of the swings. “An honor to meet the two biggest kingpins in the state, much less the city. And whom do I owe this honor to?"

“You know exactly why we're here.” Adam snapped.

“Incorrect.” Criken said before pushing off the swingset, landing ten feet below onto the ground. Geoff was amazed to see that Criken didn't look old enough to drive, let alone to be a person who sold information to people that could kill him in an instant. He wore a simple black dress and combat boots, hair ambiguously cut. “I know why you're here, Mr. Kovic. Why Mr. Ramsey is here is a complete mystery to me.”

“I'm helping him.” Geoff said, and Criken snorted.

“That's going to end well.”

“What do you mean?”

“Depends if I am going to get paid for this conversation or not.” Criken looked expectantly as Adam pulled out a stack of bills, tightly wound together with a rubber band. “Geoff asked what you meant.” He repeated, throwing the money to him. He caught it and flipped through it, humming in affirmation.

“The people that took your crew are tricky bastards.” He started. “They don't intend on killing your men. They intend on selling them.”

“Human trafficking?” Geoff asked.

“You betcha. They are just going to sell your men and not give a second thought. Your men will be gone by the end of the week.” Criken looks up at Adam, provoking the question he could sense.

“What are they going to do with them?”

“That, I don't know. Depends on the client. Could be to kill them, torture them, force them into prostitution, whatever the client wishes. And I do know that different clients are pegging for different boys of yours.” Adam looks down, fists clenching, and Geoff saw a look of sympathy from Criken.

“Why was Adam spared?” Geoff asked.

“Dumb luck, low offers, you name it.” He shrugged. “If you cut the head of a serpent from the body, another will grow in its place. Cut the body from the head, and it's left for the vultures to feast upon.”

“We aren't paying you for your dumbass philosophy,” Geoff snapped. “We paid for information.”

“Am I not giving you assholes information?” Criken retorted, and Geoff's patience snapped, pulling out the gun tucked in his waistband and pointing it to the informant. Criken pulled his own gun from who knows where, pointing it at Geoff. Adam joined in, two guns pointed at him now. Criken just gave a cocky smile. “Two can keep a secret if one is dead, and I really doubt a kept secret is what you two want.”

No one made a move, keeping their aim steady on their target, waiting for someone to make the first move. Silence overcame the three before Criken sighed, flicking the safety of his gun before putting it back in the thigh holster it originated from. He put his hands up in submission and looked to the Adam and Geoff. They reluctantly put their own guns down as well. “Was that so hard?”

“Who took them?” Adam snapped immediately.

“They don’t have an actual name, they keep off the radar as much as humanly possible. It's not a gang or a crew, but more of a cult. Believes trading of unfit people will grant them immortality or something stupid.”

“What did you mean about the earlier comment about me helping Adam?” Geoff asks.

“Because if these people find out you're helping Mr. Kovic, your crew will end up with the same fate.” Criken answered, and Geoff was taken aback. “Considering your differences in the past, I was surprised that you work with Mr. Kovic at risk of losing your own.”

“You're using our past against us.” Adam pointed out.

“You didn't pay me for a pleasant conversation, you paid me for information. I'm simply providing it in the way I see fit.” He backs away from the two, as if to give them space, sitting on a swing behind him. “It isn't my problem you and Mr. Ramsey had a falling out.”

“I can't put my boys in danger, Kovic.” Geoff says quietly to Adam.

“I know, and I'm not going to ask you to do so.” Adam said. “I'll get them myself.”

“That's a deathwish, Adam.”

“You worry about my crew, and I'll worry about mine.” Adam quietly snaps before turning to Criken. “Where are they being held?”

“Utility building near the vinewood sign.” He answers. “It's only checked once a month, so they will be long gone before any officials catch wind.”

“Thanks.” Adam says before leaving.

“It's my job.” Criken says, watching him go. “You know, you should have gone with him.”

“What?” Geoff asks.

“His crew is going to disappear off the map, you're not going to hear from any of the infamous Fakehaus ever again.”

“My priorities are my own crew’s safety.” Geoff says, looking away.

“Look, you may be hating and spiteful towards him now, but if you don't help him, you aren't going to be able to actually hate him again.”

“You don't know anything about us.” Geoff retorts.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He asks. “The whole fucking city knows about you! It's not exactly a secret that you two were engaged at some point; the falling out part, maybe not everyone knows, but I do. Because it's my job to know things. And seriously you assholes just need to kiss and make up and Jesus Christ, maybe bang or something. The sexual tension is fucking absurd.”

“You have a big mouth, kid.” Geoff says warningly.

“The better to get paid with, my dear.” He replies sarcastically.

“And the easier to shoot you for.”

“You know I'm right. And since Mr. Kovic is going headfirst into it at four am, I don't think there will be any worries of your own crew being taken.” Geoff looks over at him, and sees a smug look.

“You're a pain in the ass, you know that?”

“I'm also saving the person you still have feelings about, you're welcome.” Geoff glares at Criken. “If you don't hurry up soon, they might move their base of operations in fear of being compromised.

“Pain. In the ass.”

 

Geoff cautiously approached the door, keeping an eye out for anyone who would be apart of the apparent cult. He didn't see anyone, not inside or out, so he carefully tested the door. It opened after enough force was put on it. Geoff was careful as possible, looking around the entire room before stepping in. It was empty, surprisingly enough, also somewhat concerning.

Yes, he know he shouldn't have gone in alone, but too fucking late now.

Geoff quietly made his way to the two sets of stairs, gambling and going down them instead of up. The basement was dimly light, at least with the main level the morning light came through the window. He could barely see when he stepped down from the final step, otherwise he could of seen the bat before it hit him. Once in the stomach, once behind the knee, and Geoff was one the ground with the wind knocked out of him. His gun was out of his hand and he was left defenseless. Geoff hears a muffled yell, but doesn't have the strength to look up to see who.

“Geoff Ramsey.” Someone greeted in a jovial yet menacing tone. “Do you know how much your worth?” When Geoff didn't answered, they continued. “Enough for a man to retire on. And with the entirety of Fakehaus, I never have to see anything other than white sandy beaches.”

“Fuck you.” Geoff spat.

“I won't be fucking myself, I have a lovely lady now, thanks to you." Geoff looks up in time to see the asshole gesture to Criken, who looked as pissed as Michael when... well last week. He was restrained by two men, holding his arms, mouth covered with a taut rag. Geoff also noticed that the entirety of Fakehaus was there, all in varying states of consciousness. They had restraints around their wrists and ankles, mouths covered with duct tape. The only fully conscious member of Fakehaus was Adam, who was watching Geoff with worry.

"Criken is a guy." Geoff clarified, trying to sit up.

"No, see, this little girl is just being something she isn't, thinking that if she pretends to be a man, she will be able to make it big. But women can't make it, because they are lesser beings. Isn't that right, sweetie?" The asshole got in Criken's space, and he let out an angry noise before ramming his head into the asshole's nose. He staggered back with a yell and Criken was pulled away, back against the wall. "You fucking whore!"

Geoff took the distraction as time to get a weapon in his hand, but as soon as he reached for his gun, he felt the same bat hit him again, right in his leg, and when it did, Geoff realized it was Adam who yelled earlier, as he did it again just now. Geoff groaned in pain, his weight buckling.

"You have determination. Too bad it won't get you anywhere." Geoff was pulled to his feet, surprised at fingers being wrapped around his throat, tightly. He tried to pull the hands away from his throat immediately, but he couldn't. Adam was yelling as much as he could through the duct tape. "You're a dangerous kingpin, and yet, here you are, trying to do, what, rekindle an old flame? You are pathetic." Geoff felt himself become lightheaded, and the asshole tightened his hands even more, Geoff letting out a strangled gasp for air. "You are a pathetic waste of life, and a pathetic excuse as a leader." Geoff's hands slowly fell away from the one's around his throat and the asshole smirked, letting go once Geoff was sufficiently limp.

Geoff felt himself be shaken awake, forcing his eyes open to see Adam above him, gasping in relief and wrapping his arms around Geoff.

"I told you he would be fine." Criken comments offhandedly. Geoff realizes that all the cult members are dead, and Ryan and Jeremy are there, Jeremy helping to untie the last of the Fakehaus members.

“When a person says “wait, we will be there shortly,” what do you hear?” Ryan asks, crotchety.

“I had to.” Geoff replies, not wanting to say anything more because of how much his throat hurt, Jesus Christ it hurt.

“How did you get “I had to” from “wait, we will be there shortly”?”

“Ryan, stop being so annoyed, he's okay, isn't he?” Jeremy says from beside him. “Fakehaus is alive, the leader is tied up and unconscious, and the rest of his buddies are dead.”

“How are we going to explain the bruises around his neck?” Ryan bickered.

“Not our fault.” Jeremy says simply.

“And another thing, why did you hire a small child?” Ryan asks.

“Excuse me, asshole, I am an adult. Not everyone can be 6’5 like you.” Criken replied. “And I saved Fakehaus from forced prostitution probably.”

“What?” A confused Spoole asked, who was sitting in the corner, rubbing his sore wrists.

“Explain later.” Adam promised. “Now, do you want to take him, or should we?” Adam said while looking at the bound leader.

“He took your crew.” Geoff rasped.

“Fair enough.” Adam shrugged. “I'm sure Peake will have something to do with him.”

“Hey,” Criken started. “can I have the bat?” Jeremy, the closest to the bat, took it and held it away from him. “Come on, I promise I won't kill him, trust me.”

“How do we know you're not lying?” Ryan asked, crossing his arms.

“I'm an informant, I'd get killed if I lied.”

“So, you're saying if you kill him, I can kill you?”

“Sure skeletor, just give me the fucking bat.” Jeremy looked over at Geoff first, who nodded, and Jeremy reluctantly handed it over. Criken took a second to admire the bat before gripping it tightly and then hitting the leader’s legs repeatedly. “This. Is. What. You. Get. For. Fet. Ish. Ize. Ing. Me. You. Cunt.” He hit the leader in between every syllable, everyone watching, flinching slightly at every hit. When he finished letting out his anger, he huffed and threw the bat onto the ground.

“Remind me never to get in a blunt object fight with you.” Jeremy comments.

“I just woke up, and I don't know what's happening, but same here,” Bruce added.

“Nah, it's fine, I hit like a girl.” Criken says, smiling at his own joke. “And anyway, if you are going to do anything that involves me getting kidnapping again, please give me a three hours notice.”

“Sounds good.” Geoff rasped. “Hey Jeremy, Trevor said he used to do torture?”

“Geoff, some things are better left in the past.” He said.

“Trevor said-”

“Trevor can go fuck himself, honestly.” Jeremy said.

“Why would he do that when he's fucking you?” Criken asked.

“You guys are fucking?” Adam, Bruce, and Spoole said in unison.

“Is that not common knowledge?” Criken asked.

“No!?” Jeremy said with mild hysterics.

“Oops.” Criken shrugged. “TreyCo really can't keep a secret. Anyway, who _should_ be fucking is you two.” He turns to Adam and Geoff, who looked back with embarrassment and denial.

“No!” They both said stubbornly.

“Please just do it.” The now awake Matt said, everyone else agreeing. “You two are becoming unbearable.”

“God dammit, no!” Adam replied, Geoff following it up with a hoarse ‘never.’

They got back together two weeks later.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comment below to donate to a writer with low self esteem.


End file.
